I'm going to jail i love you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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