is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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