Green mimosas i think yes
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
