She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
