Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
