I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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