Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
