you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
