my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
