My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
