theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
