I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
