We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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