He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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