At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
