the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
