I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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