; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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