summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
