college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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