I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
