please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
