I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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