last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
