She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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