i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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