I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
