my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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