She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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