whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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