I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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