Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better

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(850): View more from Florida

No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....

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(720): View more from Colorado

So you met him?

(1-720): View more from Colorado

More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(256): View more from Alabama

i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?

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(623): View more from Arizona

That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.

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(801): View more from Utah

But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.

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(415): View more from California

Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game

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