ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
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Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country