as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game