There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My balls are so social today.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her