Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me