Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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