Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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