One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
