Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
