Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
