Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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