Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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