you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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