My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
