quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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