Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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