I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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