Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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