For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
