i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
