We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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