yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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