brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
