I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm passing your future prison.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
