So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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