I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
