Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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