Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
