I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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