Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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