well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
