so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
