Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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