I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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