So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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