Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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