It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Umm I'm too high to move.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
