oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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